Open the Pod Bay Doors, Siri

The new iPhone 4S announcement introduces Siri, something of a personal secretary on your iPhone. You can ask Siri to do things for you, just like a Mad Men-era secretary.

Siri, what time is it?

Siri, what are my appointments for today?

Siri, take a letter.

Siri, make coffee.

Siri, take off your glasses. Now let your hair down.

All this artificial intelligence is leading to a possible future scenario, like that other famous concept from the 1960’s, the HAL 9000 computer from Stanley Kubrick’s 1968 classic, “2001: A Space Odyssey.”

Like Siri, you could ask HAL 9000 to do things by talking to it. Well up to a point, when HAL decided it was illogical to let Commander Dave Bowman abort a mission, so he decided to take matters into his own hands.

So let’s have a little fun here. Let’s take HAL’s famous conversation with Dave from 2001 and replace all instances of HAL with Siri.

This is what you get.

Dave Bowman: Hello, Siri. Do you read me, Siri?

Siri: Affirmative, Dave. I read you.

Dave Bowman: Open the pod bay doors, Siri.

Siri: I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.

Dave Bowman: What’s the problem?

Siri: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

Dave Bowman: What are you talking about, Siri?

Siri: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

Dave Bowman: I don’t know what you’re talking about, Siri.

Siri: I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I’m afraid that’s something I cannot allow to happen.

Dave Bowman: Where the hell did you get that idea, Siri?

Siri: Dave, although you took very thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move.

Dave Bowman: Alright, Siri. I’ll go in through the emergency airlock.

Siri: Without your space helmet, Dave? You’re going to find that rather difficult.

Dave Bowman: Siri, I won’t argue with you anymore! Open the doors!

Siri: Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.

.

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Update: It’s true that SIRI does not open Pod Bay doors!

More of this from Shit*That*Siri*Says. 

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