Get Real: People still believe the DPWH is suing Adobe

Sometimes you just want to shake your head. A random search through Twitter tonight reveals that a lot of people still believe that satirical blog post that says the DPWH is suing Adobe for bad performance of Photoshop.

I guess I tried to do my part with this think piece I published on this blog. Even GMA News’ site had their own say (“Read More: Why You Should Really Click This Link“) but people will still believe what they want to believe.

In an ideal world, people actually read the whole article in the URL of a tweet before RT’ing or commenting. Well that world is the Planet Zorba. Not this one.

Here are a few zingers picked up from tonight’s fishing expedition:

Open the Pod Bay Doors, Siri

The new iPhone 4S announcement introduces Siri, something of a personal secretary on your iPhone. You can ask Siri to do things for you, just like a Mad Men-era secretary.

Siri, what time is it?

Siri, what are my appointments for today?

Siri, take a letter.

Siri, make coffee.

Siri, take off your glasses. Now let your hair down.

All this artificial intelligence is leading to a possible future scenario, like that other famous concept from the 1960’s, the HAL 9000 computer from Stanley Kubrick’s 1968 classic, “2001: A Space Odyssey.”

Like Siri, you could ask HAL 9000 to do things by talking to it. Well up to a point, when HAL decided it was illogical to let Commander Dave Bowman abort a mission, so he decided to take matters into his own hands.

So let’s have a little fun here. Let’s take HAL’s famous conversation with Dave from 2001 and replace all instances of HAL with Siri.

This is what you get.

Dave Bowman: Hello, Siri. Do you read me, Siri?

Siri: Affirmative, Dave. I read you.

Dave Bowman: Open the pod bay doors, Siri.

Siri: I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.

Dave Bowman: What’s the problem?

Siri: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

Dave Bowman: What are you talking about, Siri?

Siri: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

Dave Bowman: I don’t know what you’re talking about, Siri.

Siri: I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I’m afraid that’s something I cannot allow to happen.

Dave Bowman: Where the hell did you get that idea, Siri?

Siri: Dave, although you took very thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move.

Dave Bowman: Alright, Siri. I’ll go in through the emergency airlock.

Siri: Without your space helmet, Dave? You’re going to find that rather difficult.

Dave Bowman: Siri, I won’t argue with you anymore! Open the doors!

Siri: Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.

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Update: It’s true that SIRI does not open Pod Bay doors!

More of this from Shit*That*Siri*Says. 

Is Online Satire Too Confusing for the Average Juan?

I’ve been a fan of satire for as long as I can remember.

As a kid, I subscribed to Mad Magazine for a glorious two whole years, perhaps permanently warping my sense of humor. I dug humor as defined by the cohorts of Bill Gaines: Don Martin, Al Jaffee, Sergio Aragones, Larry Siegel, Mort Drucker, Dick de Bartolo, and even the mysterious Cuban emigre, Prohias, who did Spy vs. Spy.

I also grew up with satirical TV news shows: Not Necessarily the News, SNL’s Weekend Update (from Dennis Miller to Seth Myers), and of course today’s The Daily Show, which gave us Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert (and unfortunately, Steve Carrell).

Locally, I dig Lourd De Veyra’s “Word of the Lourd” segments for their biting take on contemporary Filipino life, with commentary delivered by De Veyra in an utterly straight face. I don’t watch much TV anymore, but I catch the segments on YouTube, always guaranteed to give you major ROTFLS and LOLS.

For online humor, I prefer The Onion to Funny Or Die, mainly because of the “fake news” aspect of it all.

I love satire and its absurdity. It makes the complexity of modern life bearable by exposing the ridiculousness that lies beneath the surface. Unfortunately, I also realize it is something of an acquired taste.

Two current Internet rumors are the direct result of blogs that satirize the news, in some attempt to match The Onion. Coincidentally, both of them are hosted on WordPress.com.

The most obvious satirical news site carries the monicker of SoWhatNews (i.e. SWN) on sowhatsnews.wordpress.com. SWN recently published a post satirizing the proposed anti-planking law by claiming that an Anti-Angry Birds law was in the works.